Not good for either of us
by TheHeroUnderBritishAnarchy
Summary: Arthur and Alfred are both troubled teens who seek the love they're looking for from each other. But will their relationship get to a point where it's too unhealthy? Contains: derogatory names, self harm, boy x boy, and bullying. If you do not like any of these things please do not read. Inspired by songs made by the band: The Xx
1. Chapter 1 :Angels

**A/N: Hey guys! I know this story is a little sad and maybe depressing… but don't worry all chapters won't be this upsetting! :D I love USUK as much as you guys do! But once again a disclaimer:**

**This story contains self-harm, bullying, some derogatory names, and boy x boy. If you as a reader do not like any of these topics: DO NOT READ! **

**Please enjoy the first chappy! I do not own Hetalia :/**

In the cafeteria is where I saw him. Alone, in the corner, head turned away from the loud and obnoxious teens, staring out the window at the rainy sky. I wasn't the type to stare at anyone for more than a second. Not if I wanted them to laugh at me/call me a faggot/call me emo boy/ jump me. Usually I would just sit in the corner and try to draw as little attention to me as I could. Almost like what he was doing. I recognized the teen as Alfred, he had just transferred here from the states and though I didn't talk to anyone it was hard to ignore that in which the talk of the juniors was until he arrived. Once he arrived and the teens realized that he didn't fit into to any of their cliques, he was forgotten by everyone. He was just a piece of dirt blown off their clothes by the wind, much like myself.

Before I knew what was happening I could feel my feet carry me over to the corner table where Alfred sat. Alfred's eyes never once left the window as I took a seat and began to eat my sandwich. Feeling daring, I shot one last glace at the American from under my long fringe, his eyes remained glued to the window. Turning back to my sandwich, I relished in the fact that I was sitting next to someone who hadn't beat me up…yet.

This continued for weeks, Alfred and I would sit at the table together during lunch. Neither of us acknowledging each other, but wasn't bothered by each other's company either. No one paid attention to the way we isolated ourselves… well that is until Henry returned from suspension. I was eating my lunch peacefully when he walked up to Alfred and my table.

"Well if isn't the little faggot," Henry laughed loudly, already students began to listen in, "and what's this? Did the faggot find someone to jam their cock up your ass? Alfred, right?" Henry turned towards Alfred but all Alfred did was turn his head towards the rowdy teen lazily. I watched through my bangs with worry, I didn't want the American to get picked on because of me. That would just add me to another person's hate list. So slowly and without much thought I spoke up:

"Leave him alone Henry, he isn't in this. He doesn't even talk to me. So just stop and sod off" I looked up and glared at Henry. From the corner of my eye I could see Alfred directing his attention towards me. But I couldn't focus on that as I saw Henry's hand reach forward and yank at my wrists. It was too fast for me to do anything to stop him. As he grabbed a hold of my sleeve I winced in pain. The whole cafeteria was now paying attention to us.

"Oh! Well then does he know that you're a pathetic little emo boy? Hmm? I bet you cut yourself in the corner, because you know everyone hates you." I struggled in Henry's grasp, wincing in pain as I tried to remove my arm. But it was too late; Henry had already yanked up my black sleeve, revealing a row of cuts up my arm. Some of them were healed; others were only a few days old. "Well, whaddya know, I was right! You're a failure in everything you do, you can't even commit suicide successfully" The teen laughed loudly dropping my arm as if it was made of acid. I could feel the familiar burning in my eyes that always resulted in my black eyeliner smearing on my face. So hurriedly, I pushed past Henry and ran out the cafeteria, never once stopping until I was in the bathroom, shielded by one of the stall's door. There I sat on the toilet, refusing to cry but instead I reached in my pocket and pulled out my razor. Slowly, I dragged the razor up my arm, only deep enough to feel pain but not deep enough to bleed profusely. Once I was finished I closed my eyes and focused on the pain. I didn't realize that I zoned out until I heard someone banging on my stall door.

"Open the door; I know you're in there!" I heard a deep but quiet voice mutter with authority, causing me to panic.

"Go to hell and leave me alone!" I shouted but instead of a reply the stall door was forced open. There in front of me was a disheveled and panting Alfred with a paper towel in his hand. "Are you here to pick on me too? Well you can save your breath and get the hell out of here!" I yelled at Alfred. He flinched a little but instead walked inside the stall with me and shut the door, causing us to be uncomfortably close. Alfred looked like he couldn't care less as he bent down and gently grabbed my arm with the fresh and newly made cut on it. I had forgot all about it but realized that it was still slightly bleeding. "Please…Go away" I mumbled, feeling suddenly very drained and tired of everything.

"No, I'm not going anywhere" was all Alfred mumbled; taking the paper towel he had in his hand and pressed it firmly on my cut. I winced in pain but soon it subsided and I moved Alfred's hand away as I began to hold the paper towel on the cut by myself.

"Why aren't you repulsed by me?" I questioned with suspicion. Alfred sighed and pulled up one of his sleeves. On his arm were many scars from cuts, they traveled all the way up to his bicep. I couldn't help but stare in amazement. Looking up, my green eyes were met with astonishing blue.

"I know how you feel, Arthur. I know how it feels to know that there isn't a single person who gives a damn about you. But don't worry, for now on, I'm here for you." Alfred brought his hand up to the back of my neck and ran the pad of his thumb across my cheek. I didn't know what to feel. I didn't even know he knew my name, everything was happening so fast today!

"How do I know that" I questioned, feeling the last bit of fight wash out of me. Alfred bent down, his mouth an inch away from mine. Without any control over what was happening, I could feel my eyes flutter close. Alfred's breath was hot against my lips. He took his freehand and intertwined it with my fingers. I waited for the taller blond to kiss me but when he didn't, I opened my eyes. Alfred had his eyes closed, forehead on mine, sadness etched all over his face.

"You'll know" he whispered a single tear falling from his cheek onto mine. At that moment I felt as if I had known Alfred all my life. I felt a connection I had never felt with anyone else. Alfred then brought his lips forward gently, almost as if he were to apply pressure we both would break into a million pieces. Alfred curled his hand in my blond hair, keeping his other hand in mine. My long fringe which covered my eyes, stuck to my forehead. Alfred slowly turned me around so that I was against the stall wall, one leg bent and pressed against the wall as well. He gently nipped at my lip, begging for entrance which I quickly granted him. Our tongues moved together in a needy dance. But soon we parted to breath; Alfred curled his neck and buried his face in my hair. I took his shirt in both my hands and brought him as close as we could get in this circumstance. I buried my face in his neck, both of us panting. The feeling of needing someone there, evident in the way we wouldn't let go of each other.

"I will always be here for you" I heard Alfred whisper into my hair but instead of replying I dug my face deeper into his neck and gripped his shirt tighter.

**A/N: Please review! I live off of constructive criticism! Pweaseee! P.S: Yep, Henry is an O.C. Nope, this story won't be filled with OCs . Honestly I hate writing OCs but I couldn't bring myself to have any Hetalia characters be so cruel to poor Iggy. **


	2. Chapter 2 :Shelter

**A/N: Here's the next chapter! I hope you all like it! The same disclaimer applies: boy x boy, self-harm, derogatory names, bullying. Don't forget to review! :D **

**I do not own Hetalia, unfortunately :T **

It has been a few weeks since Alfred and I started dating and the incident with Henry happened. Apparently after I left the cafeteria Alfred beat the mess out of Henry but it never reached the principle because, well, Henry isn't that stupid. This isn't to say that he stopped picking on me; actually it was the complete opposite. Henry began bullying both me and Alfred even more but this time he did it sneakily. Catching us when we were alone, tripping me up in the halls, leaving horrible notes in and on Alfred's and my locker. All Alfred had to say about it was "Fuck him; he's just a piece of shit". I felt differently about it but decided to leave the matter alone and try to take an approach much like Alfred's.

We were inseparable, spending every moment we could with each other. In the mornings Alfred would meet me on the corner of my street and walk with me to school as we held pinkies. In the classes that we had together, we would sit in the back of the classroom together glancing at each other every once in awhile. Lunch was no different; we remained at the table in the corner of the cafeteria. Alfred staring out the window as I ate my lunch, attempting to ignore the constant yelling of 'fags', 'gay emos', 'butt munchers', that were thrown our way. After lunch I didn't have any classes with Alfred, much to my dismay. It made me very anxious and unfocused as I sat in the back of the classroom and watched the clock, playing with my wrist bands. To waste any time I had away from Alfred hurt me physically to the point where I would get sick. So, soon Alfred and I stopped going to classes all together, deciding to spend our time elsewhere. Alfred found a secluded place in the forest down the street from our school in Dorset. It was beautiful, with the trees creating a perfect canopy over top of us, shielding us from the rest of the world. So this was where we were currently. Alfred was sitting on the ground, me straddling his hips, head on his chest listening to his heart beat.

"What's so fascinating about my heart?" Alfred questioned, rubbing one of my hands with his thumb. I smiled, inhaling deeply, realizing that I fell for the American hard. Whether that was a good thing or not, I could care less. Instead of answering Alfred, I lifted my hand and with one finger ran a trail up Alfred's unclothed arm. Only around me did Alfred show his arms. I chuckled slightly when I heard Alfred's heart beat quicken. Alfred ducked his head down to look at my face. "What're you chuckling about?" he asked.

"I just love listening to your heart beat. That's the only thing about a person's body that doesn't lie." I replied, ghosting my lips across Alfred's. He straightened back up and 'hmm'-ed. I pulled back to get a good look at the American's face. He was staring far out to the left, deep in thought. "What's the matter, love" I asked, trying to hide the worry that was lacing every word that left my mouth.

"I'm fine Arthur. " He said, face stoic. A flash of something passed through his eyes before he turned towards me and caressed my hair. Leaning into his touch I sighed.

"I need to cut my fringe. It's to my mouth now." I said, changing the subject. Alfred reached forward and ran his finger through my fringe.

"I dunno. I like the look on you. It's hott." Alfred shrugged, "I, on the other hand, need a hair cut." I ran my fingers through Alfred's chin length blond hair.

"Hmm… I kind of like long hair on you. Especially when it falls into your face when we kiss" I said quietly, licking my lips. Alfred shook his head and ran his hand through his hair to push it out of his face.

"I'll leave the long hair to you" he said. I just shrugged.

"I do like to see your lovely blue eyes" I admitted.

"I would love to say the same about your beautiful green eyes" Alfred said attempting to brush my fringe aside but I gently pushed his hand away. He looked at me confused and bent down to kiss me but before he could do so, I moved my face out the way. I ducked down and began listening to Alfred's heart again. I hated my eyes with a burning passion. They reminded me of my mom, much to my chagrin. How could Alfred say my eyes were beautiful? It baffled me. "What's wrong" Alfred asked trying to coax my head up but I stuck close to his chest, refusing to look up.

"Nothing, Alfred… let's just… can we just sit in silence and not talk. Please?" If I were to talk any longer, I felt as though I would have a break down right then and there. I didn't want Alfred to see me like that. Almost as if Alfred could read my mind, he replied 'sure' and wrapped his arms around me.

000-000

Unfortunately we had to leave eventually, so Alfred put on his long sleeve jacket and walked me home. When we got there, I offered for him to come in because my parents weren't home. They never were. But Alfred declined, telling me that his father texted him and told him to come home as soon as possible. I caught an edge in his tone but didn't pry as I knew Alfred hated when I pried in his home life. That's why we never talked about why we cut ourselves we just knew that we were both teens who had problems in the piece of shit we liked to call life. That was all we needed to know.

The rest of the night I sat in my room with all the lights off, happy that it was Friday but sad because I would have to endure the weekend without Alfred at my side. I was splayed out on my bed, in front of my window watching as each rain droplet smacked my window. I always wondered what caused the sky to "cry" so much in England. Sometimes I would even imagine that when it rained, the sky was really weeping for_ me_. That at least something on this earth had empathy for_ me_. I sighed, and sat in silence, looking at how the rain on the window created a small patch of blurry light in my other wise pitch black room.

I jumped as I heard something hit my window. What the hell, I thought, looking outside. There was a blurry figure in my back yard, climbing the tree that sat near my window. It looked like… I squinted my eyes to get a better look. It was Alfred! Instantly I felt my stomach drop. What was he doing here? Quickly I opened my window, calling out to Alfred.

"What the hell Alfred! Get the hell in here, quickly before you get sick!" I yelled at the American. Carefully he reached up to grab one of the tree's branches, and then quickly he reached one leg over and on my bed. I held his arm and pulled him all the way through the window, closing it so my bed wouldn't get any wetter. "Why didn't you just knock on the front door? You could've gotten yourself hurt!" I yelled quietly, not really that mad at Alfred. The American was standing up with his back turned towards me, taking off his shoes and jacket. Once he finished, he turned around to face me.

"I didn't know if your parents were home" he shrugged.

"They're never home" I replied before a streak of lightning flashed in the sky, illuminating my bedroom, allowing me to see the huge purple and blue bruise making an appearance across Alfred's right eye. Hurriedly I stood up on my knees on the bed and reached forward to touch Alfred's face but he just turned his head. Taking my wrist and moving my hand down to his neck, Alfred shook his head.

"Don't" he mumbled. I could feel myself getting angry.

"Bloody hell Alfred! Who did this to you?" I asked but the teen just shook his head again.

"Can we just go to sleep I'm tired" he mumbled. I nodded my head 'yes', backing up towards the window to make room for him on the bed, all the while not taking my eyes from his face. Why won't he tell me who did this to him? Alfred lay down and hugged my waist burying his face in my shirt as I was still sitting up.

"Did you…?" I asked scanning Alfred's arms. He just nodded his head 'yes'. I sighed; it hurt me to know that Alfred hurt himself. Even though I did the same thing, it was different to know that he was enduring such pain. I looked down when I felt my shirt becoming uncomfortably wet…Alfred was crying. So I pried his arms from around me and lay down next to him. Once I was lying down, I curled myself around Alfred holding him close to me as he clutched his arms around me tightly, not saying a word. I buried my face in Alfred's hair. Comforting Alfred like he did to me weeks ago and soon I fell asleep one last thing uttered from my mouth:

"I'll always be here for you too, Alfred"

**A/N: Pwease review! **


	3. Chapter 3 :Our song

**A/N: Next chappy! Yay! I'm so happy I am getting these chapters done quickly :D ! Thanks to everyone who has read my story so far! I'm happy and cant wait to finish the next chapter…. Welp I don't own Htealia. **

I woke up next to a still sleeping Alfred. His peaceful face made it even harder to look at the horrible bruise across his eye. It being light outside allowed me to see all of Alfred's purple and blue bruises. There was one over his right eye, a small one on his jaw, another on his collar bone and two on his arms. I looked down to see three red slithers across Alfred's wrist… Groaning, I stood up and stretched my limbs. First I needed to get Alfred some fresh clothes and then we needed breakfast. I walked out of the room quietly and went across the hall to my father's room. Walking in there for the first time in months made feel a sickening wave of vertigo. My father died two years ago from liver poisoning. He was a full fledged drunk but my mom and I, when she used to be around, did our best to take care of him. Even then we couldn't change his fate. After he died my mom refused to get rid of any of his stuff, my father's room remained untouched.

I inhaled deeply and clutched my stomach opening one of the drawers. Alfred wouldn't be able to fit any of my stuff so he would just have to deal with the clothes from my father's wardrobe. I picked him out a pair of black sweats, a white wife beater and a white tee. Quickly, I left out the room and back into mine. I hated to wake Alfred up but I knew he had to go home sooner or later. So gently I raised my finger and trailed it up and down his neck.

"Wake up, love" I whispered, slightly smiling when I saw Alfred twitch and slowly open his left eye. I could tell it hurt him to open his right, though I wasn't going to make a fuss about it like I wanted to. It would only result in a big fuss.

"I feel like shit" was all the American said, standing up slowly wincing in pain. It made me wonder just how badly Alfred was hurt.

"Well… here are some clothes-"

"Whose are they?" Alfred questioned cutting me off.

"They're my father's, don't worry he died so it's no big deal if you wear them." I shrugged but Alfred bent down and kissed the corner of my mouth, lingering there.

"I'm sorry to hear that" he mumbled against my skin. Once again I just shrugged, inhaling deeply.

"Yes, well, you can use my bathroom's shower. The warm water will help relax your muscles" I pointed towards the door closest to my closet, "but hurry up because I need to take a shower as well" I went to give Alfred a light nudge but he caught my hand, wrapping one strong arm around my waist, pulling me very close to him.

"Why don't we take one together?" the teen murmured, biting my lip. This surprised me. Alfred never made any sexual advances towards me in this way. It was a major turn on, causing my night pants to feel extremely uncomfortable.

"Uh… s-shower n-now" I stammered out. Alfred chuckled and took the clothes that were in my hand and nodded, walking forward to the bathroom. After I heard the shower water running, I sat on my bed. My head was resting on my arms that were resting on my knees which were pulled up to my chest. I stayed like that for awhile, staring at nothing and attempting to think about nothing as well. My head snapped up when Alfred emerged from the bathroom. Instantly I could feel my cheeks heat up. I probably looked like a ripe tomato. There Alfred stood in front of the bathroom door with only a single towel hanging loosely around his waist. Water was dripping from his hair and down his chiseled torso. He looked absolutely delicious. He gave me a sly grin, taking one hand and pushing his hair back and out of his face.

"You like?" Alfred said huskily. I snapped out of my trance. Pull it together Arthur, pull it together.

"mmm… I gave you clothes to wear. Why aren't you wearing them?" I asked but Alfred shrugged.

"Clothes are overrated. I think this is just fine" he winked at me. Oh God, my pants were now extremely tight…. Quickly I grabbed my pillow and chucked it at Alfred.

"Clothes. Now." I said grinning as Alfred feigned disappointment.

"Alright , alright. Clothes it is" the American grinned before going in the bathroom and reemerging with clothes on. Even then he looked very edible… but first things first. I needed a shower.

000-000

"Ouch! Fuck!" Alfred stopped midway in standing up. Apparently he had hurt his back too. This was too much for me to handle. Why was Alfred pretending that everything was all good with him? Obviously it wasn't!

"Alfred," I murmured, grabbing his face in both my hands, forcing him to look at me directly. I'd be damned if he got away with telling me everything was fine or that he didn't want to talk about it, "_Who did this to you_" I questioned. The taller blond sighed.

"My father and I was talking… things got a little heated… he hit me. it was all a misunderstanding" Alfred refused to look at me keeping his eyes on the ground.

"Bloody hell! Misunderstanding my arse! Why are you lying to me ?" Alfred removed my hands from his face and stood up.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you. I knew you would just overreact" I scoffed

"You know jack crap Alfred. You have bruises all over your body but yet I'm overreacting? What your father did to you wasn't a misunderstanding and you know it or you wouldn't have come over last night" I stood up as well. Alfred's face turned hard again as he was getting pissed. But you know what? So was I!

"I don't need your fucking help Arthur. You are always worrying me like a damn nagging wife! It's fucking annoying. I'm pretty sure you have enough problems in your own life to be so wrapped up in mine!" Alfred was now towering over me but his words hurt so much that I couldn't as much as move away. Every word he screamed at me tore at my heart in the most painful way.

":It's so sad that you're so wrapped up in your little 'I hate life' fest that you cant even realize when someone genuinely cares about you. But you know what? Just go fuck yourself Alfred! You have as much as a fucked up life as I do, if not worse!" I glared at Alfred just as his hand reached up and slapped me across my face. It stung but I wasn't hit hard enough to have a bruise that would last weeks. Still, I couldn't tell which was worse: the stinging in my face or the stinging in my chest knowing that the one person who I thought cared about me had hit me. It wasn't like I was not used to getting hit, I used to get beat up at school all the time, but it was the mere fact that it was Alfred who did it. That was worse than a million beatings from school bullies put together. I looked up at Alfred to see his eyes flash from a deep blue to softer blue as he realized what he had just done.

"Art! I'm sorry!" he reached forward but I flinched back involuntarily. Without a word, I turned around and walked into the bathroom, locking myself in there. I sat on the cold tiles with my head in my hands attempting to ignore Alfred's constant banging and begging from the other side of the door. "Arthur! Please I'm sorry! I don't know what happened, I swear! Please you know I didn't mean anything I said and did! I will never hurt you again! Just please, open the door. Don't … don't do anything stupid Arthur… Please. Arthur? Arthur? Please answer me. I'm so so sorry! Please you don't have to forgive me, just at least come out of the bathroom or say something. Anything. _Please_" It pained me to hear Alfred sound so…so broken and desperate. I don't know how long I stayed locked up in the bathroom, sitting on the floor watching the door as it shook with every bang Alfred forced upon it. I guessed that I was in there for awhile because Alfred had stop banging on the door all that I could hear were fait and tired 'I'm sorry, Arthur… please…'. As bad as it sounds I knew I still deeply cared for Alfred. He was everything to me. So I stood up, my joints protesting every move, and opened the bathroom door.

On the floor directly in front of it was a confused and desperate looking Alfred. His head snapped up when I walked out of the bathroom, arms opened wide. His eyes were pink and glistened from his tears. My heart melted and I found myself walking into his embrace, straddling his hips.

"I'm so sorry Arthur, please forgive me. I'm so sorry" Alfred leaned his forehead on mine and curled his fingers in my hair, brushing his lips across mine back and forth.

"I know Alfred, I know" I murmured planting flutters of kisses on his lips. In all honesty I did know that Alfred didn't mean it, that he would never hurt me intentionally be it physically, mentally or verbally.

"I love you so much" Alfred breathed, gently placing his hand on my cheek. This was the first time Alfred told me he loved me which made me feel like goo all over.

"I love you, too Alfred" I placed my hand on top of his as our lips clashed together passionately. Alfred's tongue was sweet and soft as it explored my mouth. I lifted my hand to place it on Alfred's hair. It was falling in his face, just the way I liked it. He pushed me back until I was lying with my back on the floor; he was hovering over top of me. I reached up and tugged his tee up and over his head. He did the same for me, both of us now only in wife beaters. Alfred ground his growing bulge down on my own. I let out an involuntary moan which was quickly subdued by Alfred's greedy lips. I trailed my fingers down to Alfred's sweats but before I could get my hand underneath the band, Alfred broke the kiss with a groan and moved my hand upwards to his neck.

"We can do that at another time, Arthur. As much as I hate to give up such a wonderful opportunity, let's wait a little longer. I don't think I deserve such enjoyment right now" Alfred said laying down on my side and kissing my cheek, on the side that he hit.

"I guess your right about us getting 'physical', for the lack of better words, at another time but you're wrong about not deserving it now. I forgive you Alfred, you know that. I don't want you to fret over something I am not even worried about." I sighed when Alfred just 'mmm'-ed and kissed my cheek repeatedly.

"I love you so much, Arthur"

"And I love you just as much, Alfred, if not more" I smirked turning my head to catch his lips in a sweet kiss.

A/N: Pweasee! :D


	4. Chapter 4 :Reconsider

**A/N: Hey! Thank you guys for reading this story! It really make me happy! I realized last chapter had some horrible grammar mistakes and I apologize. I wrote it all a night and actually didn't go to sleep at all. I was just so determined to finish it and upload. :D. Hope you all like this chappy! I don't own Hetalia but I'm working on it *looks at Hima* :P**

Alfred left to go home and grab some clothes for a few days after I convinced him to stay with me for awhile. Honestly I was scared for Alfred. I didn't want him home with his father; I didn't know how long his father had been hitting him. Although Alfred insisted that this was the first time it had happened, I highly doubted it.

Sighing I went downstairs to make some food. Opening the refrigerator I realized that that task wasn't going to happen until I go to the store. I don't remember the last time I have actually cooked something. Usually I would either forget or was too depressed to eat. But now that Alfred was going to be here for awhile I guess I could restock the house with some snacks and food that'll last. I smiled at the thought of having someone here with me for a change, even if it was only for a few days. I never really noticed how lonely this house could get with just me in it.

I went upstairs and changed into some black skinny jeans, a dark purple long sleeve shirt with slits for my thumbs (I didn't want to risk my sleeve coming up) and a hood with some chucks. Even though it was spring time here in England, it was still fairly cold and rainy. So I grabbed my jacket and headed downstairs and out the door. I checked the mailbox and pulled out that one piece of mail I was looking for. There in my hand was an envelope from my brother Scott who currently lived in Scotland. He's 28 and married with two children living in a nice home in the richest part of Scotland with a stable job. He moved out as soon as he turned 18 without even as much as a look in my direction. I never talked to him much after that, until my father died and my mom sold herself out on the street for drugs, leaving me to fend for myself. That night I called my brother, confused and crying, not sure of what to do. He was irritated that I had called him in the middle of the night, disturbing his 'precious' sleep. He said that he didn't know why I was calling him because he said he couldn't, well actually he wouldn't, do anything to help me. He didn't want me to "come here and interfere, messing up everything." That made me break down even more, which I later hated myself for, causing my brother to sigh and offer to send me money every week. He didn't understand that that wasn't what I was looking for from him. I wanted to know that I had at least some of my family there for me and care for me but as I realized that would never be the case, I settled for the money. Every week since then I received 400 dollars in cash in an envelope. The house was fully paid for so I could use the money for myself.

I walked down to the shopping center 5 minutes from my house. I liked the grocery store there because they had healthy food for cheap and it was never crowded. I mentally cursed myself for not asking Alfred what he wanted for dinner or what foods he even liked as I walked down the aisles. I cursed and slapped my forehead… well really my fringe covered forehead.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid AH!" I yelled startled. While I was cursing myself I wasn't looking at where I was going, which caused me to run a man in front of me. "I'm so sorry mister. Please pardon my mannerssss- ah Francis!" I exclaimed, shocked. I hadn't seen Francis since I last visited France with my parents four years ago. Francis peered at me closely with light blue eyes before taking me by the shoulders and pulling me into a tight hug.

"AH! Monsieur Arthur! It feels like it's been forever, non? How are you?" the French man rambled pulling me back at arms length to look at my face. I could feel my face heat up but for what reason I wasn't entirely sure.

"I-I'm well. What about you? "I asked looking away from his intense stare. He smiled and hugged me one last time before letting go.

"Same here mon ami. Please pardon my enthusiasm it's just… I thought I would never see you again. I mean after you left I expected you to call or message me like you normally did. I was waiting up to the first year and then I just kind of lost hope." Francis looked sad for a moment before giving me a bright smile. It made me feel bad. Francis and I had been friends since I could remember. My family always took trips to France to visit the fairs and many stores there. Francis's mother and my mother became friends before we were even born. At first, Francis and I couldn't stand to even look at each other but as we got older, we started to actually enjoy each other's company with the occasional snide remark towards one another. We kept in touch as much as two teens could from different countries but once my father became a drunk and fell ill, I forgot all about Francis.

"Yes, well… I apologize…things came up and well… I- I apologize" Francis stared at me and then took my hand in his.

"No need to apologize mon ami. How about this? I take you out to lunch, my treat. There we can catch up. I'll be here for a few days." Francis looked so hopeful.

"Alright, but I have to shop first" I mumbled. Francis waved his hand.

"Don't worry; you can do that after lunch. I have a car so you could buy your groceries afterward and then I can take you home" before I could reply, Francis grabbed my hand and walked me out the store

-000-

"So what have you been up to? Surely you started that band that you had talked about for years" Francis chuckled. I felt a smile tug at my lips. Being around Francis brought out emotions in me that I thought was gone forever. In some ways it kind of worried me.

"I can't believe you remember that" I murmured looking down at my plate of French cuisine. Of course Francis would take us to the only French restaurant in Dorset.

"Of course I remember" Francis laughed drinking his glass of red wine, never taking his eyes off of me.

"Well, no I didn't start a band. Honestly I don't even know where my guitar is. I've been too busy…" I replied letting my voice trail off. Francis set down his glass, face suddenly serious, and grabbed my hand.

"What's wrong Arthur? I know you. You aren't acting like the Arthur I remember. You have been with me for at least an hour and you have yet to call me a frog, pervert, anything. You've kept your head down, and all of your usual wit and hot headedness is gone," Francis rubbed soothing circles on the back of my hand, "What's troubling you?" I cursed internally, hating the way, even after four years, Francis knew me so well.

"I have just been having a hard time, is all" Francis didn't look convinced

"Hard time how, Arthur? Is your mother and father alright?" The French man asked.

"My mother is… she's ill and my father died two years ago" I said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. I wanted to go home.

"Arthur, I'm so sorry to hear that and your mom…What is she sick with? Will she be ok?" Francis asked. I wanted to reply that no, no she wouldn't be ok, but I began to choke up. Hot tears threatened to spill out of my eyes, fast. My head started spinning.

"I- I have to go. Thank you for the meal" I said standing up and running out the doors. I didn't stop running until I was close enough to see my house. I stopped on the corner of the street, feeling very sick and on the verge of passing out. I normally did this when I was too stressed and right now that's what I was, emotionally and physically stressed. I clutched at my stomach, feeling nauseous.

"Arthur!" I heard someone yell but I felt too weak to turn my head around. The closer the person got to me the more I recognized the voice as Francis's. "What happened? Why'd you run off?" he asked laying a hand on my shoulder. I wanted to respond but I could see white starting to take my vision over.

"Not…feeling… well" I panted trying to calm down. Most of this was in my head, I knew it was. Francis wrapped an arm around my torso and lifted my arm around his shoulders.

"Do you still live in the same house?" He asked me, while walking us forward. I continued to breath in and out, trying not to succumb to the orange, white and yellow that were attempting to engulf me.

"Yes… the key is-"Francis cut me off, now loosening his grip because we were at the house door.

"On top of the door frame, I remember" He smiled reassuringly as he grabbed the key and opened the front door. It was something about the Frenchman's presence that seemed to calm me down. He gently pulled me inside the house, shutting the door behind him, and sat me down on the sofa.

"Thank you, I apologize for my… abrupt exit" I mumbled now embarrassed at how I handled the situation. All the traces of feeling like I was about to faint had almost disappeared.

"Don't worry. Does this happen often?" He questioned, sitting down next me. I stared straight forward through my fringe.

"Every once in a while…"

"Who helps you when this happens?"

"…No ones there, I usually take care of myself" I answered. Slowly, I looked towards Francis, knowing that he caught the double meaning of my words. He reached forward and stroked my hair.

"Please, Arthur, talk to me. I know that we used to bicker all the time but you know that I care about you." I stared into Francis eyes; the feelings of wanting to confide in my childhood friend were overwhelming. I wanted to tell him everything but instead the only words that came out of my mouth were:

"There's nothing to talk about. Everything's fine" those were the words that I was so used to saying. Francis didn't look convinced but before he could respond his phone vibrated in his pocket. He looked down quickly and stood up.

"I'm sorry, I have to go, but like I said I'll be here for a few days so hopefully I'll see you again before I leave." I stood up to follow Francis to the door. "Do you still have the same number?" he asked me halfway out the door. Nodding my head, I mumbled a quick 'yes', wanting Francis to hurry up and leave. "Good, see you soon mon ami, take care" He said before turning around and walking down the driveway.

Shutting the door, I walked upstairs and into my room. I sat on the bed, deep in thought about the conflicting feelings that were running through my head as I waited for Alfred to come back.

**A/N: Sooooooo… yes I decided to enter Francis into the equation… that's all I'm gonna say about that. '0' Please review! And thanks to those who have already! :D **


	5. Chapter 5 :Stars

**A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry that this is so late, I was at a camp for about a month and a half :T. Needless to say, I've been a little addicted to my lap top and phone since I got back. Here is chapter 5. I hope you all like it! Oh and if you guys didn't see, I changed the ending of the 4****th**** chapter to have greater depth. :D thank you to all who reviewed, favorite and followed I LOVE YOU ALL! I don't own Hetalia *pouts* **

A few days turned into a week and a half of Alfred staying with me. Having him around wasn't bad but lately I found that my thoughts were often drifting to Francis. This confused me to no end. Alfred noticed something was wrong with me but I didn't voice my concerns for two reasons: 1.I didn't tell him about Francis and 2.I didn't know he would react to such. Speaking of the American, I watched as he walked into the bedroom with a tray of tea and crumpets for me and coffee and danishes for him. He had a semi smile on his face as he walked towards our bed in which I was currently sitting.

"Good morning Artie" He said, placing the tray in the middle of the bed, bending down to place a quick peck on the corner of my mouth.

"Morning love," I said scooting over so Alfred can sit on the bed too but he opted to sit on the floor instead. I reached over to grab the tea cup, closing my eyes in bliss as I brought it up to my mouth. Mmm, Earl Grey, my favorite. It was a good two minutes before Alfred broke the comfortable silence.

"Um, Arthur" Alfred asked, an uncharacteristic hesitance lacing his words. I opened my eyes, to read Alfred's facial expression. He was looking down into his coffee mug, fidgeting with the handle.

"Yes" I asked, wondering what would cause the American to act such a way.

"Would you … like to …. Do you want to do something…?" Alfred looked like he was having a hard time forming what he wanted to say.

"What is it poppet?"

"Do you want to go out later, like on a date? I know this is kinda late and I'm sorry. It's just I'm not good at this whole dating thing… you're the first person I've ever truly cared about and I just don't wanna screw things up. Well more then I've already have…" I watched as Alfred continued to ramble nonsense.

"Hush Alfred," I said setting my tea down on the tray, "I would love to go out on a date with you." Alfred's beautiful blue eyes lit up as he stood up and pulled me into a huge bone crushing hug.

"We can go to dinner, then to the movies, and then a walk through Hyde park! How does that sound?" Alfred asked, pulling me back just enough so he could look into my eyes. I could feel the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile on impulse. My heart beat quickened at the unusual but stunning glow of happiness radiating from Alfred. This was the first time since we have been together that Alfred truly had enthusiasm. At this moment I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it takes to see Alfred like this all the time.

"Lovely" I murmured, leaning in to capture Alfred's lips in a passionate kiss.

00~~00

"You look fine Artie" Alfred said, wrapping two strong arms around my waist from behind. I ignored him and continued to comb and pull on my unruly blond hair. My jagged fringe, which swooped down to cover my left eye, was down to my mouth. The rest of my chin length hair wouldn't lay down causing three of my right ear piercings to show. "We're gonna be late, if you keep messing with your hair. It looks hott babe" Alfred murmured, nipping my neck all the while gently taking the comb out of my hand and placing it on the sink. I sighed in defeat as Alfred continued to nip and tug on my neck, hands rubbing up and down my sides. Alfred's physical attraction to me was starting to increase, catching me off guard. I closed my eyes as Alfred trailed his fingers under my black shirt and up my torso, capturing my lips in a slow and passionate kiss at the same time. I could feel a moan about to escape my lips when suddenly I was alone.

"Bloody hell" I mumbled opening my eyes, Alfred was in the doorway chuckling.

"C'mon we're gonna be late" he said, grinning as he began to walk downstairs and out the door with me right behind him.

The cold night air caressed my face as we walked hand in hand towards the bus stop. The restaurant Alfred had made reservations for was about fifteen minutes from where I lived so we had no choice but to take public transportation. I didn't mind this one bit, as Alfred feared, because to be honest I was happy to be out the house. This made me realize how much I've been a recluse, all stuck up in the house drowning in my troubles inadvertently sucking Alfred down with me. Alfred and I took a seat on the bus stop bench, not bothering to check when the next bus was coming. Sighing, I closed my eyes and smelt the beautiful smell of London nightlife. I took in the sounds of shoes hitting the worn out pavement , the hustle and bustle of cars on the streets, cheers form nearby pubs, people engaging in serious and not so serious conversations… memories of my early care free teen years came crashing down on me, suffocating me in a wave of nostalgia. So much I had let slip away from me in the past two years, I had never thought twice about it all until now.

I was brought back to reality when I felt a gentle squeeze of my hand. Opening my eyes, I looked towards the taller blonde.

"The bus is coming" Alfred said as he pulled himself and me up. I quickly let go of Alfred's hand and boarded the bus, heading straight for the back. Alfred quickly followed and sat next to me, claiming hold of my hand once again. He looked at his wrist watch to see that it was 8:05pm, we had enough time. I busied myself with looking out the window at the blurred orange, red and yellow lights of passing cars; it was truly a beautiful sight. I leaned my head on Alfred's shoulder and allowed myself to be mesmerized. Tonight is going to be about Alfred and I, not anything or anyone else. I will make sure of that.

Before I knew it, it was time to get off the bus; luckily the restaurant was just two stores down from where we got off the bus so we were walking in the restaurant in no time. There to welcome us was a young woman with brunette hair and bright hazel eyes.

"Hello! How may I help you?" She asked with a huge smile that seemed out of place for the nightlife.

"Hi, I had a reservation for 8:30." Alfred said smiling slightly.

"Oh! Jones, right?" the woman said her smile widening even more than before, if that was possible. I gave Alfred a questioning look but he just shifted his eyes and nodded his head in answer to the woman's question. "Great, right this way. Your table is number 23 in a booth." She said as we neared the table.

"Thank you ma'am" Alfred said as we both sat down across from each other. The woman blushed but Alfred didn't notice it as he was staring at me.

"You're welcome. Your waiter should be here shortly" And with one last smile, she was gone with a sway of her hips.

"What was that all about?" I asked curiosity winning me over. Alfred once again shifted his eyes away from mine.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Alfred shrugged. I was about to press on but at that moment our waiter came to the table. He was medium height, had short brown hair and green eyes that were staring directly at me.

"Hola! I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, I will be your waiter for today" He said in a strong Spanish accent. He continued to stare at me until Alfred cleared his throat. It was then that we both remembered someone else was at the table. I looked over to Alfred giving him a reassuring smile but he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at Antonio with a hard expression. Antonio just smiled seemingly unfazed, "So have you guys decided on what you wanted or do you want me to come back?"

"Can you come back?" I said as Alfred didn't answer. The waiter gave a dazzling smile.

"Si, mi amigo!" And with that he left. Alfred turned to look at me, visibly relaxing.

"I didn't like the way he was looking at you. I think I might request to have another waiter for the night" Alfred said with a scowl.

"Alfred, that won't be necessary. He was just being friendly. Relax, love" I said trying to reassure the American. I reached over the table and grabbed his hand giving it a quick squeeze. Alfred smiled and picked up the menu.

"Lets see what we want to order" Alfred said as I also picked up my menu, looking through it, stopping every so often to steal a glance at Alfred. Alfred looked up to catch me gazing at him, responding with a warm smile in return.

**A/N: Don't forget to review pwease and thank you! :D**


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